Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Randomize
