There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
