k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Found the puke drawer
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
