Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
