I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
