I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
