There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
