I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
