thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
