My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i love accidental penises.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
