U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
