it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
