Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
