it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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