My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
areolas are like halos for boobs.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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