is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
