I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
