plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
