she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
