just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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