i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
