the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
