you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
