She's like a pop up book from hell.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize
