it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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