Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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