my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
