I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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