chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
