I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Why is your signature on my underwear?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
