This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
