Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
