with your own penis?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
