i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
