Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
