this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Randomize
