I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
