If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
