How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize
