wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
