Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
