Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
