mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
