in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
