Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
