marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
