There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
