He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
