So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
