i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
