Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
4 words: hood of his car
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
