my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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