he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
